Oh Baby!

I realized that I sort of skipped over the whole "I'm pregnant" news rather quickly in the last post!

I'm on my way to fifteen weeks(this Thursday)and so far it has been difficult. It took me over a year to convince Bri that we needed a third child. He hemmed and hawed mostly because as he put it "it's not the baby I'm afraid of, it's your pregnancies that scare me." Oh blah blah blah, I said over and over. If I'm willing to give it a shot and I'm the one carrying the child than you shouldn't be scared!!
My other two pregnancies were not so fun. G was nine months of feeling like garbage. Sitting at the kitchen table everyday trying to choke down a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich so that I could possibly gain weight for that months check. Little One wasn't much better.
I don't ever want to be one of those complainers because I know how lucky I am to even be able to get pregnant and have children. I come from a family of infertile women, I grew up knowing it wasn't that easy to just call forth a human being and boom it happens! I had miscarriages and sadness and feel blessed everyday that I have my girls.
Once I finally convinced Bri that we could do it it took a year and a half with a miscarriage along the way for this pregnancy. I was almost to the point where I was going to give up. A few had faith (Carin you always knew it was going to happen!) and some asked me if maybe I had gone through "the change" (HA HA SO NOT FUNNY!)

In the beginning of the this pregnancy I was nervous, we did the blood levels which looked good and then an ultrasound which showed little baby "H" with a strong heartbeat. I felt pretty good until Novemeber hit and then OH NO.
Yesterday I officially crowned this the worst pregnancy of the three. The throwing up has been trying to say the least. The medications that I've tried either make me so tired I can't get off of the couch or the Zofran works for limited time and then I have to take the other medication which knocks me flat. This last Friday, Saturday and Sunday were so hard I feltl like I just wanted to go into hibernation for the next few months and hopefully crawl out of my cave and feel like a normal person again.

I'm sad that I'm going to give this little baby a complex (Bri says the other two don't have complexes so I shouldn't worry!) I keep thinking of the wonderful outcome of all of this and I know it is worth it, wow is it worth it. But I have days when I feel like a horrible mother to the babies I have, who probably wonder why their mom isn't as fun as she used to be. Why she is always carrying a bucket around to puke in now, and why her full time occupation now seems to be sleeping.
I miss my friends and am so grateful for all of the cheer they have provided. The days they take the girls for fresh air and play, the soups they've made, the telephone calls that help me feel like I'm not so alone. I miss their kids who I love to have over to play. I miss fresh air, and taking pictures, and food! Wow I miss food!!

But I would rather miss all of those things 300 times over than miss out on the blessing of being a mom again.

Hang in there....we can do this Baby "H"

Jazz Square this is Le Petit Poulet...do you read me?

Okay, is there anything better when you are feeling pukey and pregnant then some High School Musical 2 on DVD??
Of course that was a rhetorical question because the answer is NO WAY DUDE!!
The girls have been bugging me to see the movie after seeing the numerous commercials letting the world know it was coming out on DVD on Dec 11. Well I know that G is going to be getting the DVD for Christmas. So after much back and forth on why we weren't rushing out to buy it as the clock chimed midnight signaling December 11th, I did tell the girls that we would try to rent it so they could at least see it.
My girls (like millions of others) ADORE the first movie. And I have to say I think I adore it just as much!! You better bet I would have had some serious Zac Efron pics adorning my walls as a youth if this movie would have been around in my day.
Plus he looks so much like my beloved Leonard Whiting from Romeo & Juliet (my all time favorite movie!) that it almost proves my dad's theroy that there are only 20 different faces in the world and variations of those 20faces!

Anyway I can't tell you what a laugh I get out of Ryan! He is classic and makes the whole movie for me. I was quite pleased that he brought back the use of the word jazz square in this movie....because let's face it, everybody loves a good jazz square.
It is so fun to have a movie that is not animated that has great music and keeps me entertained that I can watch with the girls and keep my mind off of puking for awhile :)

My Arch Nemisis

What has two arms, two legs, big blue eyes and is the size of a peanut?


MY ARCH NEMISIS.....LITTLE ONE!!
This childs main goal in life right now is to make sure that I feel like I am losing my mind. I have no doubt that at some point in life when I am elderly and don't have complete control of my thinking she will conjure up some plot to convince me that I am totally insane....and then giggle her mainical giggle.
Lately we don't see eye to eye on anything. The day after she was born I remember telling Bri that despite the fact that she was so quiet and sweet she had a twinkle in her eye that meant trouble!! She may have had others fooled but a mommy knows!
Today Little One is off to see her grandmother, which is the loveliest present for me!!! That means I won't have to wonder if she is taping things up all over the house, or if she is finding the scissors to cut yet more paper into tiny strips all over the floor that she refuses to clean up. Or if she is quietly drawing on her arms with my Sharpie that she has found in my desk, or if she needs a snack for the THREE THOUSANDTH TIME TODAY, or if she can go the whole day making sure every word out of her mouth is said in a whining voice.

And while I like to think I am in complete control of my children I know that Little One also likes to think she is complete control of my children!! Today while she is gone I am going to plot to regain my household....but of course I'm sure that she too is sitting at her grandmothers kitchen table, pen in hand scribbling out her own plan on paper of how she will maintain her own control of her kingdom!!

Winter Images From My Backyard

"Up on the Housetop Reindeer Pause"



"Little One's Lonely Swing"

Getting to know you Christmas Version!

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? A little bit-o-both!

2. REAL OR FAKE TREE? Fake. The year we tried to do a real tree after we were married I was so allergic it was not worth the misery!

3. When do you put up the tree? I used to like to do it the day after Thanksgiving but I am just not that fast the last few years. At least by the first Saturday after Thanksgiving.

4. When do you take the tree down? I try to leave it up until the end of the month for the kids. But I start slyly removing other things right after Christmas. I miss my clutter free home.

5. Do you like eggnog? Sometimes. Thinned with milk.

6. Favorite gift received as a child? My dear old dad scoured the SLC Valley for a poster of Rocky Balboa for me (this was before the days of poster stores with your fave celebrities plastered everywhere). He found one just days before Xmas. Xmas morning I came out and there rolled up in my stocking was my Rocky poster. I still have it :)

7. Do you have a nativity scene? Yes. My youngest daughter is playing with it now. She made pizza for all of the nativity people who raised their hands.
8. Hardest person to buy for? In-Laws – they don’t need anything!!

9. Easiest person to buy for? G

10. Worst Christmas gift you ever got? Hmmmmm I can't remember. I'm sure my mom could tell you. She lives to rememeber traumatic events of my childhood :)

11. Mail or email Christmas cards? Mail

12. Favorite Christmas Movie? Oh gosh, I'm totally old school. Rudolph, Santa Claus is Coming to Town, Twas the Night Before Christmas (with the mice), Frosty the Snowman (the head is the most difficult part) and It's A Wonderful Life.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? Novemberish

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? No

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Christmas morning my dad makes his famous cheese omelettes. (hold the white blubber on mine please!)

16. Clear lights or colored on the tree? Colored

17. Favorite Christmas song? I love The Little Drummer Boy, O Holy Night, and the one "Outside the snow is falling and friends are calling yoo-hoo. C'mon it's lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you" (I am singing as I type it!

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Stay home!

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeers? Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, Roudolph

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? A Reindeer

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Christmas Morning. I'm a stickler for the rules.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year? It goes way too fast and is hard to enjoy. I'm trying my best to savor each day. I haven't taken my car radio station off of FM 100's Xmas tunes since December 1st.

23. What I love most about Christmas? The warmth and beauty of everything, especially with the gorgeous snow outside and the beautiful lights glowing in all of the houses :)

My Brown Eyed Girl

Whatever happened
To Tuesday and so slow
Going down the old mine
With a transistor radio
Standing in the sunlight laughing,
Hiding behind a rainbow's wall,
Slipping and sliding
All along the water fall, with you
My brown eyed girl,
You my brown eyed girl.
~Van Morrison

The Most Wonderful Thing My Child Has Ever Said to Me...

You know when you have those times that you don't feel like the best mother. You feel pulled in a million different directions, you lack energy and creativity. You go to sleep at night wondering "did I spend even ten minutes of quality time with my children today?"
Yesterday G and I had a little time to ourselves while Little One was at a playdate. I picked her up from school and we walked out chit chatting, about what I don't even recall. I said something that made her laugh, not a little laugh but a wonderful laugh with her eyes twinkling. She snuggled into my side and looked up at me and said...."Mom, you make everything fun."
Even typing it right now brings little tears to my eyes.
It was the greatest, most wonderful thing anyone has ever said to me. To have those words come out of her mouth so innocent and sweet because that is how she felt, was a beautiful thing.

And it is exactly how I feel about her. She makes everything fun :)

Walking in a Winter Wonderland

"In the meadow we can build a snowman,
then pretend he is Parson Brown."
What a gorgeous day. Something about a clean crisp snowfall that makes the whole world seem magical :)

Finishing up

As I finish up the last of my edits for the year it makes me sad! I don't know what lies ahead for me with photography in 2008. I have days where I wonder what I bring to the field... .You grow fond of your clients and want them to need you when in reality there are so many wonderful photographers that if you aren't there someone else is ready to swoop in and shoot some gorgeous shots! I don't know that I can keep on top of it the way I did in 2007, it can become all consuming. Wanting to shoot better and bigger! Try to stay ahead of each trend and work on trends of your own.
I love the creativity photography has given me, it has opened up doors that I never knew were there and has pushed me to grow in so so so many ways. Ways that I never would have been forced to grow without it! As this year draws to a close and a new chapter in my families life begins I will have to see where photography fits into the grand scheme of things.
But for now I hope everyone will enjoy my last shoots of this year the way I did :)
Beyond the Garden

Tiny Dancers

"It is not the movements that make a dance beautiful, it is the emotions that inspired the movements that make it beautiful."
~Unknown