Oh Baby!

I realized that I sort of skipped over the whole "I'm pregnant" news rather quickly in the last post!

I'm on my way to fifteen weeks(this Thursday)and so far it has been difficult. It took me over a year to convince Bri that we needed a third child. He hemmed and hawed mostly because as he put it "it's not the baby I'm afraid of, it's your pregnancies that scare me." Oh blah blah blah, I said over and over. If I'm willing to give it a shot and I'm the one carrying the child than you shouldn't be scared!!
My other two pregnancies were not so fun. G was nine months of feeling like garbage. Sitting at the kitchen table everyday trying to choke down a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich so that I could possibly gain weight for that months check. Little One wasn't much better.
I don't ever want to be one of those complainers because I know how lucky I am to even be able to get pregnant and have children. I come from a family of infertile women, I grew up knowing it wasn't that easy to just call forth a human being and boom it happens! I had miscarriages and sadness and feel blessed everyday that I have my girls.
Once I finally convinced Bri that we could do it it took a year and a half with a miscarriage along the way for this pregnancy. I was almost to the point where I was going to give up. A few had faith (Carin you always knew it was going to happen!) and some asked me if maybe I had gone through "the change" (HA HA SO NOT FUNNY!)

In the beginning of the this pregnancy I was nervous, we did the blood levels which looked good and then an ultrasound which showed little baby "H" with a strong heartbeat. I felt pretty good until Novemeber hit and then OH NO.
Yesterday I officially crowned this the worst pregnancy of the three. The throwing up has been trying to say the least. The medications that I've tried either make me so tired I can't get off of the couch or the Zofran works for limited time and then I have to take the other medication which knocks me flat. This last Friday, Saturday and Sunday were so hard I feltl like I just wanted to go into hibernation for the next few months and hopefully crawl out of my cave and feel like a normal person again.

I'm sad that I'm going to give this little baby a complex (Bri says the other two don't have complexes so I shouldn't worry!) I keep thinking of the wonderful outcome of all of this and I know it is worth it, wow is it worth it. But I have days when I feel like a horrible mother to the babies I have, who probably wonder why their mom isn't as fun as she used to be. Why she is always carrying a bucket around to puke in now, and why her full time occupation now seems to be sleeping.
I miss my friends and am so grateful for all of the cheer they have provided. The days they take the girls for fresh air and play, the soups they've made, the telephone calls that help me feel like I'm not so alone. I miss their kids who I love to have over to play. I miss fresh air, and taking pictures, and food! Wow I miss food!!

But I would rather miss all of those things 300 times over than miss out on the blessing of being a mom again.

Hang in there....we can do this Baby "H"